wait listing

the live interview role play thing i went to last week didnt go as well as i hoped

i think i came across as hesitant, timid, and unwilling to adapt my approach

they said they'd let me know within a week

i still havent heard anything

i suppose that could mean its not a definite 'no'

we'll see

cream of the crop

i applied for part time work as a customer service advisor for major entertainments company

the application was rather detailed

i had a telephone interview the other day which lasted 40 minutes or so and was also very detailed

i passed that so now im going to a live skills assessment and selection process

for a part time position they sure are going to a lot of trouble

i suppose the danger of part time work is that any old buddy can apply and have no passion for the company and one or two people giving out the wrong message can often speak louder than the thousands who are performing well

notice

i am now working my notice period in preparation for returning to university

leaving a job in the past for me has often been a big deal

people like me and they like the work that i do so they are generally sad to lose me and my awesome talents

in this case that emotion is still present but is somewhat dulled by the fact that there are six other employees leaving at the same time as me

so im just wrapping things up and trying not to leave any nasty surprises for whoever may take my place

maybe they'll get someone with some actual talent rather than just suave charm and cunning tenacity

made up stories

the ability to do a thing and the ability to teach another how to do the same thing are two seperate skills

many of the things i do have no logical process to their execution

i just do them and they work i cant tell you how what or why you just have to accept it

obviously in situations like this its difficult to apply culpability because you dont know what i did or did not do

so i make things up

i always have done and the few people that have realised it have told me that im pretty good at it because i say things that sound possible and therefore are accepted at face value

the truth is only what a person wants to hear

who is he

and why should i care

so this name keeps coming up in conversation recently

and the man himself has been coming to my place of work on more than once occasion

ive never seen some people work so hard

nor have i ever seen quite as much ass kissing

and i used to work for.. well, im not going to name names.. but there was a lot of ass kissing there

due to the complexity of the management structure here there are a number of people who can basically tell me what to do from day to day

for this reason i tell people that my boss is a hydra which usually gets a few laughs

im noticing now that each of the heads of my hydra have more than one face

and it irks me

patience

ive always been quite proud of my patience

my ability to not let things bother me and just wait for the right time has always been a strength of mine

a friend of mine said to me that he thought i had a handful of people in this world that i would do anything for and that i spent my life just waiting for them to need me to do something for them

im worried that he might have been right

outrageous

in an attempt to disrupt the crippling stagnation of my life i am trying to recreate a period of my life that nostalgia tells me was awesome

talk about setting yourself up for a fall

it got me to thinking about how i seem to have a habit of putting myself in situations where i expect or intend to fail even though i appear to be trying my best

its all about false positives i guess which is a mathematical theory that i am actually quite fond of

or maybe its the paradox part that i like

but i dye grass

my point was that i wonder if i should do something radical like buy a one-way ticket to japan and see what happens

or pack a bag grab my passport withdraw all my money and try to fall off the grid for a few months

i wish there was a strange island somewhere that would pull me in and teach me what really matters in life

even it was populated by polar bears and smoke monsters

woop woop

its the sound of da police

the gunman in cumbria was described as a normal friendly guy by his friends family and neighbours

after his rampage the papers branded him a maniac

if a person is a maniac they are a maniac and will always be such

a normal person who kills a number of other people is not a maniac he is a normal person who has done something out of the ordinary

something out of the ordinary would be called extraordinary though the normal modern interpretation of that word means that i doubt anyone could say what happened was extraordinary

obviously the death of someone you knew is always going to affect you

but its not possible for a person in this world to die without there being someone who knew them

it takes me back to my point of how some things are socially acceptable because they are considered normal and other things are outrageous to even contemplate

im not saying we should all go around and murder anyone we feel like but i think there has to be a little bit of perspective in these situations people

arbitrary

so i was called into a meeting this morning where i was told that on a specific day next week i was to make sure that certain hardware was functioning correctly because certain locations were to be used by external speakers at a training/conference day in our building

i bit my tongue to stop from saying that since my job is to ensure the continued operation of all hardware in the building every day of the week i could be almost certain that the specific sites requested would be functional not only on the date mentioned but also every date before and after it

i paid little attention to the talk of flipcharts and pens after my suggestion to use the interactive whiteboard software present in every room in the building to collate virtual flipcharts was shot down for being 'too risky' in the face of non-IT people

these things cost a minimum of £1500 each only to be used as very expensive projector screens - if they are lucky enough to be used for even that

taboo

i was at a wedding over the weekend

ive known the couple about as long as they've known each other though obviously i dont know them as well as they know each other

their marriage was more symbolic of something that they both already knew: that they will spend the rest of their lives together

cheryl cole came up in the news again today because she's filing for divorce after her husband sent indecent pictures of himself to several women etc

two people can find each other and are meant to be together forever

but getting married does not mean youve found that person

we all like to believe and hope that marriage is eternal but the truth is that we sometimes outgrow people

a marriage doesnt have to end because of one persons sexual urges

but if there is no more love in a relationship it should be allowed to die even if it is bound in holy matrimony

obviously there is more to the cole break up than we are being told in the press but it frustrates me that so many people have this sacred opinion of marriage in todays modern society

infidelity is a result of a failed relationship, not the cause of one

heart warming

due to a number of factors ive been pretty much low profile guy at work recently

a few people have said to me that they hadnt seen me around as much and they were wondering where i had been

the nice thing about it is the fact that they did not follow that comment with a list of issues they need me to fix for them

i am a little surprised that people seem to actually care enough to note my lack of presence let alone comment on it

if i wasnt already dead inside this may actually give me renewed hope for the human race

too little too late i suppose

google privacy

i dont know if you've been following the google maps privacy issues but heres a link to the bbc news site about the latest revelation:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/8684110.stm

in short, it seems google has been accidentally gathering packet samples from open wi-fi networks as they drove around taking pictures for street view and that several people are now up in arms about the potential security and privacy issues

firstly if you have an open wi-fi network i consider you to be a complete moron

secondly now that google have been kind enough to illustrate the potential flaws in having open networks people should be acting to close them not start complaining to google

i know that i would rather it was google who was scanning my network than some unscrupulous people

like bt

General Erec- I mean, Election.

According to the BBC website 27,933,301 people have voted, giving a 65% turnout.

That means there are 42,974,309 who could vote (or 15,041,008 who did not vote) out of the roughly 61,000,000 people who live in the UK.

So 30% of the population of the UK have no say in the government that they live under, and 35% of those that do have a say choose to say nothing.

27,933,301 out of 61,000,000 is just under 46% which means that less than half of the occupants of this country actually express an opinion on WHO runs it, and therefore the majority of people 'on the street' have no right complain about HOW it is run.

QQ more, noobs.

old habits

ive been thinking about some of my past relationships

both in terms of partners and friends that i have had

i find it easy to meet people but difficult to form a lasting bond

the few times ive been comfortable enough with someone to open up about my inner demons they are usually put off by what i reveal

im still looking for that someone who i can trust and will still stand by me no matter what

in the meantime i shall continue to operate the way i have done

losing friends and alienating people



im sure theres a movie about that

doubt

im a procrastinator

i will put off making a decision for as long as i can but some of the big choices are inevitable

leaving france, going to uni, buying a car

annoyingly each time ive made a big decision something seems to change that makes me wonder if ive made the right one

its happening now

i recently made up my mind about something that im going to do but over the past few weeks things have been changing in my current lifestyle that i can only describe as improvements

enough to make me change my mind? probably not

enough to make me doubt though

confident

but not cocky

not neccessarily muscular or super fit

good sense of humour

willingness to dance?

money?

no mention of looks

no mention of style sense

when you ask a man what he looks for in a woman the answers will often be physical because the question is interpreted as what attracts you to women upon first seeing them

the same question is interpreted by a women as what traits would make a man a suitable long term partner

i know what i find physically attractive

i have a rough idea of what women find physically unattractive and i try to avoid being those things

i used to be told that i looked older than i was

i had an air of maturity and experience beyond my years

ive reached a point where people now say i look exactly as i should for my age

which means i havent matured or gained experience since those previous comments

to echo a phrase coined by a friend i feel that my soul is frozen

but in the time and space way not the icy cold way that he suggests

tapped

whilst drilling for new sources of oil pioneering engineers discovered a well of knowledge

this fountain of enlightenment has inspired some ordinary men to achieve great things

splitting the atom

harnessing the power of the sun

space flight

but in all of their wisdom there is one thing that no one can ever explain to me


at least not in a way that makes any sense

normality

it occurred to me recently that in every job i have ever had i reach a point where there is not enough to keep me motivated and active

a new job means a learning experience and a heavy workload

part of my character is to find more efficient ways of working and to suggest ways to improve the company overall

over time i develop a way of working that minimises my workload to a point where i have some spare moments to analyse and offer feedback

i dont know where this ability to normalise everything comes from but it often leads to me being idle at my workplace which in turn leads to me looking for other employment

i suppose i should look for a job where truly no two days are ever alike and there is no possiblity of repetition and stagnation

now if you'll excuse me i have to go fix a broken printer by turning it on

steak pie

i was in japan with an ex-girlfriend who i had hooked back up with

we were at a japanese 'funfair' watching some locals play the 'knock down the cans to win' game except it wasnt cans that were stacked up it was fruit

as the attendants back was turned the girl i was with picked up one ball and threw it at a single orange that was sitting on the shelf

with a direct hit the orange fell off the shelf and the attendant turned and shouted 'winner!' handing her a plush bunny

he then indicated to me that it would cost 45 for that so i reached into my back pocket and pulled out a hefty wad of cash the outer note of which was a 50

as i peeled it off to pay, the girl said she didnt want the bunny to be alone so she wanted another shot to win another

so i wrapped the wad back together and put it in the side pocket of my hoodie

we ended up back at the hotel room and.. fade-to-black

the next day i was back home and getting ready to meet up with some friends to watch the rugby

i was a little worried because i was heading into town where i hadnt been before and i knew it was going to be busy

sure enough there were loud english people everywhere a various groups of scots in kilts and it was very noisy

i made my way between sandstone buildings and over cobbled streets towards the clock tower that we were supposed to be meeting under

as i approached my phone started to ring and i reached into my pocket to answer it

the phone i pulled out was not my iphone 3gs but what appeared to be a cheap replica with a slide function and standard keypad

the ringtone was in japanese but the caller id was of the guy i was meeting

i quickly reached the conclusion that my phone had been stolen whilst i was in japan and the details cloned

as i was struggling to operate the phone i saw the girlfriend of who i was meeting standing in a doorway posing for a picture

then i spotted the guy just up the street

he was already quite drunk but recognised me and made a grand gesture of welcome before asking me what was wrong

i pulled the phone out and held it up towards him stating 'this is not an iphone'

as he struggled to focus on it i explained my theory that my phone must have been stolen in japan the day before

i managed to open the phone and go into the menu where i saw a bill for 2.99 on the app store

clicking through i realised that my account details would have been saved on my stolen phone and the thief could buy anything from the app store leaving me with the bill

at this point i wondered if the phone i was holding, being a clone, was actually linked to the real phone

so i opened the camera feature of the phone and sure enough rather than showing me what the phone i held was looking at i saw what my real phone was looking at. i could even control which direction it was facing like a remote camera of some kind

i saw a group of vietnamese kids on a bridge dancing around the phone

from the images it looked like some kind of weird ritual but i assumed they were playing music through it

the guys i had met up with suggested we go for a drink to calm me down and we went into a pub called ozymandias which was full of scotsmen watching the rugby

one the guys in our group tried to get drinks from the hatch the led into the kitchen where the chef puts out orders for waitresses



that was a dream i had last night

normally i dont dream at all or at the very least i dont remember

but i can remember everything about that dream in vivid colour and detail from the white plush bunny to the tartare sauce on the food waiting to be served

so what the hell was in that steak pie last night!?

finance

when is the united federation of planets going to roll around so we can get rid of money and start exploring space

im probably one of a few people that i know that operates effectively within the economy

when i have money i spend it and i only spend money that i have

dont get me wrong i know how to save

i can quite easily work hard play less and stash all my money away in a bank

but its bad for the economy you see

also im a materialist not a capitalist

morality

a decision has been made and a new mission objective has been affirmed

it means leaving the current squad and travelling solo until hooking up with the new squad

but as a specialist when you leave the squad there will be no one there to replace you

they could run into trouble and suffer quite badly

so how do you tell them you are leaving

do you do it quickly and leave right away

or give them plenty of warning and support them as much as you can until the last minute

answers on a postcard

populous

based on approximate figures from 2008 a few calculations indicated to me that there are 250 people per square mile of habitable land mass on this planet

it seemed like quite a lot because i dont think there are 250 people per square mile around here where i currently reside

however looking at the scottish capital of edinburgh i discovered it has a population of 4716 per square mile

if we built a wall around edinburgh and allowed only natural resources to enter or exit how long would it be able to sustain itself

similarly do you think 250 people could occupy 1 square mile of habitable land and sustain that population indefinitely

what would the ideal population be for 1 square mile and therefore what percentage of the world population would need to disappear for the problem of overpopulation to be resolved

if we could build a machine that could produce enough sustainance for 250 people from 1 square mile of land thus negating the need for farmers and food producers do you think the abundance of extra brain power could work towards a utopian society of zero carbon footprint and world peace

imagine not having to find a job because you know that you will always have food water and shelter but at the same time there would not be an excess of luxuries in order to avoid a consumer mentality

im remembering the tom cruise movie last samurai where he comments on the samurai culture of waking in the morning and spending all day on one single task in order to achieve perfection in that task

if we were all free to simply study and evolve ourselves could we not achieve so much more than the lives we currently have

qualified

changes to a number of aspects of my employment have caused more than a few ripples in the pond of life

the idea was that people who were doing the same job got given the same title and paid roughly the same amount of money

a person who has exactly the same job as me no more than 20 miles away is earning almost £3000 more than me per year

you cant expect me to believe that is because he holds an HNC and i do not

so im going on a course to get a bit of paper saying that i can in fact do the job that i do every day in order to hopefully get paid more money for doing the job that i do every day

i suspect the accumulation of these bits of paper will now be an ongoing process

bandwagon

so i got an iphone 3gs 16gb

i initially went for a nokia n900 but my first impressions were that it felt unfinished

so i traded in and have hopped on the bandwagon

the little box that the iphone arrives in is compact and sleek and that initial feeling of polish and shine is not lost as you open the box and remove the handset

a few minor annoyances at first regarding the absolute necessity to connect to itunes to activate the phone and some difficulty importing my contacts from a csv file

having now used it for a few days i have to say i can see why people like them

obviously with it still being new to me i have become that guy who shows off all the stupid little apps he has

like popping bubble wrap or the newtons cradle

call quality seems to be quite poor but my standards have been set by nokia and the voice clarity filter on the 6500 which was superb even in poor reception areas

overall im not unhappy with my decision although a small part of me is still screaming shol'va because i bought an apple product

celebration

happy new month!

i have often pondered the logic behind new year celebrations

it is an arbitrary date on a calendar which is based on the time taken for the planet we live on to complete an orbit of our nearest star

surely this is a form of sun worship

the mayans would be proud

latency

do not confuse my lack of reaction with a lack of interest or care

my hatred for individual humans functions like a capacitor; it can fill quickly or slowly dependant on input but will not cause a reaction further down the circuit until it is full

you each have different sizes of hate capacitors also



so theres a chance i might be getting paid more money soon

from what ive seen my employer has either made a mistake or they are trying to screw me over

ive put it through channels and will wait to see what happens

having been working here for over a year the back dated pay should prove useful

the reason

does there have to be a reason for everything we do

it occurs to me that i dont really take responsiblity for my actions

looking back on the major decisions of my life i can usually justify them being the result of someone else and not being a choice that i made

its probably true that i was influenced by a person or persons at the time but in the end it was me who chose to act

it was me who walked the path



im tired of walking

hindsight

so there was this thing that happened on friday that i didnt really think much of the time but it led to a series of events that have caused much inner turmoil for me

i have always said that i dont have regrets

i wont regret a bad decision i will try to learn from it

but there is one decision that comes up every now and then that always ends up going the same way for me

its not even a mistake and at the time it feels so good that i cant say no

but when the end of the night approaches and i realise that i wont be taking the feeling home and that it will probably be another year before i know it again i start to lose rationality

im also too stubborn/stupid to apologise and too insecure to fight for what i want

sleep

my normal working hours are 0830 til 1630

this means i usually get up around 0730 5 days a week

which means im normally in my bed before 0000

the weekend that just passed saw me leaving work early and heading straight up to edinburgh where i proceeded to have a night out on the town until after 0300

the following day i got up before 1200 and headed back down the road having a few hours to chill out before going on a night out locally until after 0300

i was up before 1200 again on sunday which is practically a crime in my book because i had a guest staying until monday

admittedly we didnt really do much on sunday but i still managed to be up until after 0000 and didnt get a very good nights sleep due my body thinking it was another late night session

all in all i probably had the least sleep this weekend that ive had for a long time and was not functioning very well yesterday at all

c'est la vie

supernatural

so i watched paranormal activity last night

good movie

im a total skeptic about hauntings and possessions but the build up in that movie seemed almost possible even to me

the last third of the movie however nosedives into the realm of impossibility which instantly negated any impending terror that may have welled inside me

shame really

it had the potential to scare me but didnt have the strength to see it through to the end

definitely worth a watch though

turn the lights down and the volume up and prepare to ask yourself what if

perspective

im aware of the big picture but i dont like looking at it

getting lost in the little things is a form of escapism

sometimes i wonder if everything i do is escapism because i dont want to face reality

there are a number of things that i might change about where i am and where im heading

i might move to california and try to start a punk band for example

i mean why not

as long as i continue to pay my existing debts i am free to do anything right

and money can be paid from anywhere in the world

so whats stopping me

stereotyped

so it's a bit chilly outside

enough to freeze most windows

the scraping of ice from a car would not be considered ridiculous in these conditions

so after scraping my car this morning i headed off to work

08:27 on my car clock as i was approaching my place of employment when my pager went off

i start work at 08:30

upon entering the building i sought out the source of my page and was told that a person i had never met or heard of had called up asking for me by name

as i was standing there the phone rang and this person called again

apparently it was one of the kitchen staff looking to ask me a question about their home computer before they came into work

as an it support person for a number of years i know that people often look for help and advice at work when they have trouble at home

but being paged outside of office hours to take a phone call from someone to whom i owe or seek no favours is a bit much

i mean there are businesses even in this region that offer it help and support

if its really such a desperate emergency then grab the yellow pages

all things considered its not the worst thing that could have happened this morning but man did it aggrovate me

and now i have to continue with my normal working day

wish me luck